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Sunday, January 4, 2009

I swear I didn't mean for it to feel like this.

I hate this feeling.
I wish you wouldn't have texted me, telling me all that stuff that you did. I wish you wouldn't have said that you think about me every day. I wish you hadn't made it seem like you missed me. Because ever since then I've been thinking about you more. I guess just hearing that made me feel like it was okay to think about you too. Except it's really not okay because it hurts. I wish that I didn't wake up this morning as lonely as ever after having a stupid dream about you. I wish that I would stop randomly remembering all the good times, and I wish that I didn't wish that this had never happened.
I'm tired of feeling this aching emptiness, this loneliness, every fucking minute of every day. But I don't know how to make it stop. =/

So tomorrow I'm going to take my Christmas money and go to MAC and buy some fabulous fucking makeup, I'm thinking some neutral eyeshadows and some lipsticks, maybe a blush or two... because that's what makes me feel better, that's what I get excited about. <3 The other day I was telling Jess about my Coastal Scents palette with the 88 colors of eyeshadow in it. I guess she told everyone else about it because today at work Dennis was making fun of me. He's all "Estee Lauder is jealous because they don't have as large a selection as you." Hahah. :]
Hopefully this shopping trip will put me in a better mood.
Also, today is the start of my working out for the year. I'm going to try and make it last all year this time. I'm doing a "New You Bootcamp" on and today is the first day of that. I'm pretty excited about it.


Anonymous said...

dang, i'm glad i am only twelve and don't have to del with THAT yet.
: ]
hope you have fun at MAC.
[glad you told me what it was]

miss feedmekicks* said...

well, i hope you buy hot shit at MAC.

like...make it extra hot. because our next date is gonna be the date where we make ANOTHER baby. you DEF gotta have some hot as make up on, okay? kthnks.

& like i can ALWAYS talk to me.

i love you.

we should hang out again, soon.

and fuck him. he did you worng, rach. you shouldn't keep letting him put you in moods like this. i know it's hard, but you have to move past this. you need to do what's best for YOU and only YOU. comprende?