I hate this feeling.
I wish you wouldn't have texted me, telling me all that stuff that you did. I wish you wouldn't have said that you think about me every day. I wish you hadn't made it seem like you missed me. Because ever since then I've been thinking about you more. I guess just hearing that made me feel like it was okay to think about you too. Except it's really not okay because it hurts. I wish that I didn't wake up this morning as lonely as ever after having a stupid dream about you. I wish that I would stop randomly remembering all the good times, and I wish that I didn't wish that this had never happened.
I'm tired of feeling this aching emptiness, this loneliness, every fucking minute of every day. But I don't know how to make it stop. =/
So tomorrow I'm going to take my Christmas money and go to MAC and buy some fabulous fucking makeup, I'm thinking some neutral eyeshadows and some lipsticks, maybe a blush or two... because that's what makes me feel better, that's what I get excited about. <3 The other day I was telling Jess about my Coastal Scents palette with the 88 colors of eyeshadow in it. I guess she told everyone else about it because today at work Dennis was making fun of me. He's all "Estee Lauder is jealous because they don't have as large a selection as you." Hahah. :]
Hopefully this shopping trip will put me in a better mood.
Also, today is the start of my working out for the year. I'm going to try and make it last all year this time. I'm doing a "New You Bootcamp" on http://teens.sparkpeople.com and today is the first day of that. I'm pretty excited about it.