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Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Never gonna get it right.

I really wish I had girl friends.
Scratch that, although it's what I once would have said, now I just wish I had friends.
It's nice to have girls that you're super close to, something I haven't really had for a long time. Well, I've got Bekka, but sometimes she drives me crazy and it's nice to have a different perspective... I don't know.
I guess all the guys I thought I was close to were really just trying to get with me. Lately I feel like I have no one to talk to, no one to hang with... maybe no one I feel comfortable hanging out with.
I want to go swimming today but I bet I look like trash in my swimsuit, don't want to pay to get in the public pool, and don't have anyone to go with me anyway.

Oh well, I need to clean anyway.
I guess I'll just do that and maybe go shopping... or wait until dinner with my dad.
Speaking of my dad, sometimes I feel like he's the only one who cares about me. Now I know for a fact that's not true, I just know that he loves me a lot, and it sucks because we haven't been close for years and I just don't know how to achieve that closeness to him... but I want to. I just don't feel like we ever will. =/

Wednesday, June 17, 2009


Last night, about 1am, a boy told me he loved me.
I love him too. (:

I woke up about 7am today, don't know why.
I got two new workout DVDs this week - Billy Blanks Ultimate Tae Bo and Jillian Michaels Banish Fat, Boost Metabolism.
They're both amazing.
I just really need to clean up my diet.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Don't you know who I think I am?

I jotted this down on the 8th.
It's something, I guess.
And when I say "you" I'm not talking about anyone in particular...until the end. But along with talking about someone else, I'm kind of talking about myself to? I don't know... weird.

What makes us act the way we do? Why does that change depending on who we're with and what we're doing? You can seem like a completely different person each time you're with a different friend.
Which one is the real you? Or is it all you? Maybe you just can't figure out how to put it all together, to combine every side of yourself into one. Is that even possible? Should it be? Maybe not.
Are you trying to be something you're not? Or is that the real you? What about the you I knew? The you I know? I don't know who you are. Do you?