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Wednesday, May 20, 2009

You know, they all pretend.

You know what really pisses me off?
Not feeling good enough. Not feeling good enough because people act like you're not good enough.
I'm offended that all these loser guys think so low of me, think that I'm really going to hook up with them because they said "hey, let's fuck!", that they honestly get mad/offended/whatever when I'm like "oh wow, no thanks" or "hey, you're a douchebag!"
I think it's funny how someone will talk to me, and when they figure out that I'm over them or that I'm simply not interested to begin with, they just throw me away. Or they flip out on me and then stop talking to me. Really? It kind of blows realizing that people don't think you're good for anything but an easy fuck.
I'm not even sure why people think this of me? I don't throw myself all over guys, I don't walk around in tiny clothes lookin' like a skank, whatever whatever whatever.
Except as much as it hurts, having people practically tell you that you're not good enough to love... I hate it even more when a dude pretends to like you, and goes to all that trouble just to end up like every other asshole who tried to play you.

Funny thing is, this blog has nothing to do with now.
No guy is treating me like this right at this moment.
I should probably stop thinking about the past.
I just wanted to let all you assholes know, that whatever fucked up impression you got of me player, it was WRONG. You keep pretending I'm not good enough, because in reality, I'm too good for you.

Fuck, this blog was really gay. Bye. :]

Monday, May 18, 2009

Let's burn our dreams into the skyline.

Alright, I had a very good weekend. (:
On Saturday I graduated high school, and wow... it felt AMAZING.
I kindof feel like it hit me, but now I'm back to not even feeling like I'll never be in high school again. Haha, weird right?
Sunday was my party, and I felt like a decent amount of people showed up. I felt like it was probably kind of boring for the people who came, but I had fun, and since it's my party I'm gonna be a little selfish and say that's all that matters. ;P
Last night I spent the night with Troy. He's kindof my favorite. I can't stop thinking about him... FUCK. Like, it freaks me out a little. I don't want to fall too hard, make an ass of myself, & get my heart broken. But I don't know, things feel pretty perfect right now. :D

I've been thinking about death a lot lately...
I mean, this past weekend was a pretty big part of my life, and it just makes me think of how some people weren't there.
Like, one day a person is here, and the next they aren't.
You don't get to say goodbye, and you look back realizing that even though you spent tons of time with someone, you never in your whole life were able to let them know how much they mean to you. It really sucks.
I should go visit my grandparent's graves soon.
We used to go, but my mom doesn't anymore. I don't know, that's her business.
But I'd like to go. I just don't really want to go alone. Except... I don't want to go with anyone.
It's been awhile, but I'm pretty sure I'll be a mess. Ha. =/

Sunday, May 17, 2009

I miss you.

Making this quick, so I can go get ready for my grad party.
I'll blog about that and graduation later.. I just need to get this off my chest.

So all of a sudden, like seriously out of nowhere, it JUST hit me that my grandparents weren't there to see me graduate.
I was just all of a sudden thinking about how they died, and I was like "Man, I really wish they could come to my party today."
And it all hit me, and damn, it really blows, ya know? =/
I feel like a bad person because I didn't think about this yesterday when I was graduating.
Like I even thought about Scott and felt sad, but didn't remember my own grandparents? Wow.

I don't know, this blog isn't conveying my emotion very well, so I'm stopping.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Take the white pill, you'll feel alright.

Alright, I'm pretty proud of myself right now.
I'm sick and it pretty much blows, I'm really hoping that I get better before this weekend. I don't want to be sick at graduation or my party!
But anyways, if you know me, you know that I have a MAJOR problem with swallowing pills.
I've got an awful gag reflex and my mind just psyches me out and I just. can't. do. it.
But I'm trying to get better ASAP, so I took a [chewable] vitamin, and rummaged through the medicine cabinet for some cold medicine.
I found something prescribed to my mom forever ago. I don't know what it is, but I remember taking it before when I was sick, not knowing what it was then. Ahaha, so I'm not sure if I should take it.
But I figured, hey, I used to be able to swallow Sudafed, they're tiny. Why not try?
Weird right? I used to be able to swallow pills, then I couldn't.
But I tried, and it didn't go down the first time, but I drank a couple more gulps of water and IT DID.
I swallowed it! :D
Oh gosh, I swallowed a tiny pill at age 17 and I'm excited about it. How lame is this? That was a rhetorical question, btw. ;P

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

talk shit talk shit talk shit.

I think it's so weird when I come upon people hearing shit about me that obviously isn't true.
It's weird to think about how many people have heard and believed this, without me even knowing about it.
It's not a big deal, I'm not mad about it, hell, I think it's funny... it's just weird to think about.

I find it hilarious that my ex and his friends have nothing better to do than sit around and talk shit about me, and to spread all this ridiculous bullshit.
Boy, stop telling people I cheated on you when you know that's a god damn lie.
I guess you forgot about how close we were.
I still have your Blockbuster card and your credit card is still saved on my MAC account.
You know how much better buying makeup makes me feel... ;]

Except honestly, I wouldn't do that. I'd feel bad, I guess.
Oh well, keep talking boy, funny how you've gotta lie to get people to feel sorry for you.
And where's your life going again?