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Friday, September 19, 2008

That's what you get when you let your heart win.

I will be avoiding the house for who knows how long. I don't want to be here now, and last night I really didn't want to. It will just be so empty and remind me of him. Hell, he was annoying and bad quite often, but still, I love him.
I don't even really want to write about this now. I'm not upset, I'm not crying and freaking out like last night, when I thought there might still be a possibility. I always do that! I always hold onto that one tiny strand of hope and it keeps me from being upset even though I know that it'll fall through, I can't bring myself to accept it. And then when I finally have to accept it, it just sucks!
So right now, I'm not accepting it. Although all that hope has been shattered my body and mind have failed to accept it, pushing it out, making me feel very blank, numb, as if I have no feeling at all.

I'll let everyone know what this is all about another day. But don't worry, I'll be okay.

EDIT// 12:02am: I really need to go to sleep, but I don't want to. Ryan and I are sleeping down here with Brutus, our last night with him. I started to cry a little, I'm sure it will only be worse tomorrow. I hope Ryan doesn't keep the tv on all night...