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Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Am I lost in your eyes?

I honestly hate school. Graduation can't come soon enough.
I don't understand why an hour and a half in a class isn't enough, why is it that we must have tons of homework piled on top of that? It's ridiculous! Apparently, school is supposed to consume your entire life, right? Ugh!
Except I'm nervous about graduating too. All I know is that I want to move in with Stephen. He makes me happy and I feel that if I'm living with him, I'll be much happier and less stressed all the time. But, it's just going to a be a big argument that I don't want to have when I tell my mom that I want to move in with him. Why must everything be so difficult?
Also, I feel like everyone's going to deem me as a failure if I don't go to a 4 year college because I'm "smart." Honestly, I hate school and studying, and I'm not good at studying. Great, I can get A's and B's in high school, but these AP classes are almost kicking my butt! I don't even want to know what college is like.
When the counselor's came to our english classes to talk about college, he's like "oh well you'll all pick 4 year college because that where you're all going." Yes, I'm taking classes for college credit and one day I'd like to go there, but I honestly want to go to Xenon for makeup (and maybe hair?) before all of that. I feel like everyone is going to think less of me for it, or think I'm just wimping out. I don't know what I want to study in college and I don't want to spend all my money there before I figure it out. Plus, I LOVE makeup. It's something I want to do, no, maybe not forever, but for now.

Oh well, I'm done trying to please everyone, I'm doing things for me now.
Tomorrow I'll rant on people's misconceptions of serious relationships and love. Hooray.


miss feedmekicks* said...

im scared of what could happen after high school too. sure, we can all sit here and make assumptions, plans, ect; BUT thats not how half of us will work out.

i know for me, i was telling myself i was going to go to a 4 year college, be a graphic design, blah blah. and NOW i dont even know if i want to go to college.
im so confused and lost, i dont know what to do.

SO dont think that anyone will think less of you for wanting to go to xenon. i love you, and theres plenty of other people tha tlove you who need to help you engulf yourself in positiveness. do what you love to do, because at the end of the day you are all you have.

i know that im usually all goofy and stuff, but this is a serious issue. i love you and im here whenever you need me.

PS: for some reason, i wasnt following your blog and i thought you hadnt blogged. WTF.