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Saturday, September 27, 2008

I don't think that I have the strength to let you go.

I have a lot to say, but I don't feel like typing it all out. We'll see how it goes...

Let's start with yesterday. (: My dad must've felt bad that we have to get rid of Brutus, and so he bought a purebred black lab from one of his friends on Thursday night. He called my mom and told her about it on Friday and brought it to us as a surprise on Friday night when we were going to dinner.
It's so adorable! It's only 10 weeks old, so about 2 and a half months, and he's just so ajagdjlaskgd cutie! He already weighs 21 lbs, geez! Ryan and I slept downstairs with him last night and we bought him two cute toys and a halloween collar (which might be messed up and need to be returned) about an hour ago. I miss Brutus but this new guy is so adorable, and hopefully things will go better with him.<3

And about today... wow. I went to the funeral honestly believing that I would not cry. I was sad about his death but I hadn't cried and I didn't feel I was going to. I successfully tried not to cry until Michael started talking about his dad. Talking about all the things he had taught him, the things they had done, and how much he was going to and already did miss him. Needless to say, I started bawling.
After that, I was okay... until the end when we had to leave. I was waiting to see everyone, tell them how sorry I was, and I just started bawling again. I saw him lying there in the casket and I remembered all those little moments with him, how he'd always been so nice to me, and how it was never going to happen again. Then I looked at my friends, the people I'd known for so long, and saw how absolutely hurt they were, and that made it worse. I hugged Michael and Kyle while sobbing, and felt bad for not hugging Jackson, but I wasn't sure if he remembered me.
Then I had to come home and go to work. :|
My thoughts and prayers go out to this family.<3

This sucked, I wanted to say more, but oh well...


miss feedmekicks* said...

You are amazing Rach. Seriously.

It's hard. WHen I went to my friends funeral, I didn't think I would cry like I did either, but I did. It sucked because people saw me so vulnerable and hurt, and I didn't know what they would think of me because I don't think people think of me that way. In the end, everyone was hurt, so nobody was there to pass judgement.

About your new puppy. I love him, too! He's amazing. Super cute! OMGAHH! What's his name?!