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Sunday, April 12, 2009

I can't feel anything

I hit a deer tonight.
A little after nine.
I'm fine, physically.
It's dead, physically.
My car is fucked, still drives fine.
But the left front and side is pretty fucked.
I'll have to fix it, can't drive without a headlight,
wonder where I'll find the money for that.

My mom talked to my dad, but she said I had to call him.
He was drunk.
He sounded stupid, and wasn't mean, just slightly rude about everything.
Alcoholic piece of shit.
I haven't felt this way in a long time.
I had pretty much forgotten about all his shit, pretty much forgiven it, ya know?
Until tonight when I realized how worthless he is.
I guess I'm just mad, I'll feel awful for calling him worthless in a few days.
But really? I don't even have to words for this.
It's like a numb, empty hurt.
Realizing your father is always going to be a jerk,
and the people you think are your friends are only fucking you over.


audrey. said...

I'm not fucking you over.
But I feel like we are drifting apart.
It sucks bad.

I'm really sorry that you have to go through all of this.

I'm sorry about the accident with the deer.

I know you will figure soething out.