Where did I go wrong?

I am not content with life.
but, I don't know what I want.

I really want to blog more.
I NEED to blog more.
At the moment, I don't have the time.

Let me finish the shit ton of homework I have and figure my life out after Friday. :|

I can't feel anything

I hit a deer tonight.
A little after nine.
I'm fine, physically.
It's dead, physically.
My car is fucked, still drives fine.
But the left front and side is pretty fucked.
I'll have to fix it, can't drive without a headlight,
wonder where I'll find the money for that.

My mom talked to my dad, but she said I had to call him.
He was drunk.
He sounded stupid, and wasn't mean, just slightly rude about everything.
Alcoholic piece of shit.
I haven't felt this way in a long time.
I had pretty much forgotten about all his shit, pretty much forgiven it, ya know?
Until tonight when I realized how worthless he is.
I guess I'm just mad, I'll feel awful for calling him worthless in a few days.
But really? I don't even have to words for this.
It's like a numb, empty hurt.
Realizing your father is always going to be a jerk,
and the people you think are your friends are only fucking you over.

Give me your arms for the broken-hearted.

I totally forgot today was the 3oh!3 concert until I saw someone post a bulletin about it.
Now I'm sad that missed seeing them, and especially The Maine. :( I love them.
Oh well, I hung out with Tyler and it was super fun.<33

Mainly, I just posted this to get something off my chest though.
I see a lot of my friends in these tough, dramatic relationships. They're just in high school or college but they're putting themselves through these awful relationships because they think this person is their soulmate. I mean, I understand not everything is easy, but I don't understand.
If your relationship sucks that bad, especially at such a young age, why are you still in it? Why would you still want to deal with that?
I would just try to move on. I'd rather be happy. Nothing lasts forever.

Girls Next Door.

I need to remember to catch Girls Next Door finale on Sunday at 9. I've missed a ton of episodes over the years, but I've really come to love Holly, Bridget and Kendra and I'll miss watching the show. Apparently there will be a new season with the new girls, but I'm not sure how interested I'll be.

Honestly, I think these girls are absolutely adorable. They're gorgeous, intelligent, and are all accomplishing so much. They're inspiring.
I want to make a Girls Next Door layout. xD Maybe I'll try that tonight!

Frustrated, disgusted, unmotivated...

On top of stress about college and scholarships, I haven't been eating healthy or working out, and I've been eating more. I don't know if it's out of stress or boredom or what.
But honestly, the past few days I have felt so disgusted with myself. It's not even that I look in the mirror and get disgusted... usually. I just feel fat. My stomach just FEELS huge and I just want to run a million miles, except I still have NO motivation to exercise.

Bahh, I'm so frustrated right now. =/
Like I can't even explain how much I hate myself right now.

You're so nice & you're so smart.

First of all, Audrey posted this video and everyone needs to watch it. It honestly inspired me so much and gave me hope that maybe this world isn't such a terrible place, which is lately how I've been feeling.

I've been thinking a lot lately. Mostly about the point of life. I don't understand why people spend their entire lives going to school and working. Well, I do, because you need it to make money and you need money to survive... but it all seems so pointless. I just want to know what the point in having all these people doing these silly little things on this planet is? I want to know what we're supposed to be doing.
I've always felt like I've had to make a difference. I will never be content with being one of those people who can work at McDonalds all my life and be content with that. I probably won't be content with any "normal" job, to be honest.
A lot of people tell me I'm nice, some people tell me I'm one of the sweetest/nicest people they've ever met. Honestly, I love that. It makes me feel good and I want to be that person, I want people to think of me as that way.
I guess tonight I just realized that although I do consider myself to be a very nice person, that isn't good enough. Sometimes the way I treat people, especially the people I care about, is something I'm definitely not proud of.
So as of tonight, I'm determined to change. I want to be known as that super sweet girl who will do anything for anyone, even someone she has just met.
I just don't want people to get it confused with a girl who is easily taken advantage of. I've been down that road, and I'm sure some people still think that.
I'm not sure how to balance the two quite yet.

All I ever think about is you.

I miss blogging but I feel like I never have anything to say worth reading.

I'd love to have a fashion or beauty blog but there are so many out there already. I feel like I don't have anything new or exciting to contribute to that world, so I'll stick to my boring blogs that no one reads. :P
I still owe my mom $113, plus $20 for texting this month. I still have NO money saved for prom which is in about two months. :| I'm super stressed.
Also, MAC's new Hello Kitty collection looks gorgeous. It was something I was really looking forward to, but I have no money for any of it. :( Bahhhh.

I need to go make Valentine cards. I'll feel bad if I don't at least give my mom a card, and I want to make one for Stephen too since I've got no money and he's making me dinner. Maybe it will cheer him up, I'm worried about him lately.